Feeling good about feeling bad

Motivated by some friends who are getting married at my age, I decided I would test the dating waters another time. I reconnected with a woman who I had met years ago and was glad to learn that she wasn’t married. She, her roommate and I went to dinner and to an Easter drama a few weeks back. A couple of days later we all went to church together. A few days later I asked her to a movie.

It was a very good evening. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it! After the movie we went out for dessert and had a good time talking. She said how much she enjoyed the evening and, as I dropped her off, I asked if she would like to get together again. She said yes.

The next Tuesday, I initiated another date. I didn’t hear back for a few days, which seemed strange. When she finally responded, she said that she would take a “rain check” because she had been busy and needed a night at home.

I was surprised again. I’ve decided to back off, at least for a short time. I’ll try asking her out once more, but the response “I need at night at home” isn’t exactly encouraging.

I didn’t expect the sadness that followed. True enough, I spent way too much time thinking about what the future might look like with her after one date. But the sadness in my heart brought me back to other relationships that didn’t work out for one reason of another. And those? Jim, Todd, Mike, Scott, etc. Back then, I ached when a relationship with a guy didn’t work out. Breaking up with a woman was always a relief. But when a friendship with a guy failed, it really hurt.

So, as sad as I was to think that things weren’t going to work out like I had imagined, I lied down that night with joy. “It’s all true,” I thought. Up until a few years ago, I doubted the possibility of real change. I had resolved to pursue restraint. But like other men, there is now a genuine longing in my heart for a woman, and, when the longing is dashed, it’s painful.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12