Dear J

Dear J,

Thanks for letting me know what is going on. I understand that the battle can get difficult sometimes and giving up looks attractive. As one who is some years down the road, I want to urge you not to. There are many reasons to persevere, and I'll mention a few here.

I was reminded about one of them this morning when I found this encouragement in my inbox. I think it will encourage you. There is the fulfillment of our hope in the not-too-distant future, and it will transform all of our suffering. The quote from C.S. Lewis that you'll find here might alone get you through some rough times.

One thing that has kept me from throwing in the towel is the knowledge of all that I would lose. I think you would agree that the battle against same-sex attraction is our cross. "And calling the crowd to Him with his disciples, He said to them, 'If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.'" (Mark 8:34) If I won't bear my cross, I'll lose Jesus. Not only that, but I would lose all of the blessings and gifts that come from pursuing him. Think for a few minutes about all of the good things in your life because of Christ. Whatever good that the gay lifestyle has to offer (and trust me, it is less than you think) could not begin to compare to the life you have in the Lord.

Another encouragement that you need to count is your great capacity for change. From what I recall, you haven't been sexually active, so your propensity for change is especially great. When you walk down the path of romance and sexuality involving a man, it is all the more difficult to walk back and find what is true. This is not to say that God's mercy is limited and forgiveness will be harder to gain. What I'm talking about is the capacity for changed sexual desires. As one who has restrained himself you are much further ahead than one who has programmed his brain and body with powerful sexual experiences.

One more thing. That you can never have "masculinity, manhood, heterosexuality" is flat-out wrong. Your masculinity and growth into manhood (and then, very possibly, heterosexuality) has been delayed. The process got interrupted as it did for me. But this is not to say that it can't restart and continue. And it has been my experience that the growth into manhood has brought great satisfaction and even joy. Having lacked a sense of my masculinity for so many years has packed these recent years with satisfying experiences of manhood over and over. You desire manhood and heterosexuality. These are attainable to the man who seeks them.

You have made many good decisions along the way, young man. I'm proud of you for so many reasons and count you as one of God's gifts to me. Please persevere. There are thousands of men and women on this journey all over the world. And we are blessed in more ways than can be counted.

Your friend,

Dave O