More About Coaching

Saturdays now mean getting out of the house before 8:00 for my swimming lesson. These have been very profitable half hours. As hoped, my front crawl has improved, but I have come a long way on the back stroke. I've even discovered how easy it is to tread water.

I am also gaining insight into the process of coaching. Usually, I am the coach. But in the pool, I am coached by Tom. On Sunday afternoons, I am coached by Grant. While taking in as much as I can from these men regarding technique, the coaching part of me is observing the process. What about the relationship is effective in my learning to be a better swimmer?

Today, for example, we worked on the "flip turn". The flip turn is a somersault in the water at the wall to quickly reverse direction. I've worked on it over and over but not mastered it. I've been close to giving up, but this morning I nearly broke through and here is how it happened.

Over several sessions, the coach has worked with me and I just wasn't getting it. Try coordinating your legs, chin, shoulders, and arms, while exhaling. But today the coach -- out of wisdom or exasperation, I am not sure which -- changed course and had me work on doing a "hand-stand" instead. That, with some practice, I could do! It built confidence to master a new task. And, I am half-way to the flip!

In the pool, I don't hesitate to ask to set the agenda. There are times when I am wanting to work on a certain stroke or discipline. I've never had the coach say "no". I'll interview him about it, ask him to demonstrate, and then suggest that he watch me and see what I'm doing wrong. At the end of class, sometimes I'll ask him to give me an assignment.

But as the coachee, I don't want to always lead. My coach, by virtue of his training and expertise, knows more. I need to accept and weigh his counsel. I want to make sure that he knows that his counsel and feedback is always welcome. Though he knows and I know that every decision is still mine.

Another valuable element of the coaching relationship is positive feedback. When the coach is impressed with something -- and I know that he means it -- it is immensely encouraging.

I also benefit most when I know that the coach enjoys the relationship. I've gotten the impression that both Grant and Tom enjoy our times together. I certainly do.

Grace at "Yellow Front"

Today is one of my favorite kind of day. Seven inches of snow fell yesterday and today is bright sunshine. The snow was brilliant and a fresh layer of pure white cover everything. I was reminded of a great verse from the book of Isaiah: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow (v. 18).

It is amazing to be forgiven of sin. Christians (alone) have this experience and it is hard for me to imagine life apart from the forgiveness of God.

God provided a great lesson for me on forgiveness at Yellow Front.

You haven't heard of Yellow Front. It was a little-known department store where I worked in high school. Think of Target, with about 10% of the inventory and square footage. We had a little bit of a lot of things, but not a real good selection of anything. Like Woolworths' (if you can remember that one) only not as classy. The logo -- if you could call it that -- must have taken 20 minutes to come up with.

I was a stock clerk and loved the job. One of my duties was the plant department. The plants were displayed on the end of an aisle. They had to be stocked promptly and watered.

The summer of 1977 was winding down and my departure to CU was nearing. I looked up in the stock room and saw a troubling sight: A box of plants that I had forgotten to stock. A good option at that time would have been to immediately pull the box off the shelf and see if they could be salvaged. I didn't do that. Instead, I tried to wait it out and hope that I would be gone before the box would be discovered.

That didn't work. On a walk-through with me on my last day, the store manager spotted the box. My last memory at Yellow Front involves standing at the loading dock with my manager, Bob Warner. We were going through the box, tossing plants into the dumpster one-by-one. I don't remember any indication of the anger that I deserved.

Three plants were salvageable and he gave them to me.

It was the opposite of what I had coming. I should have gotten chewed out and rebuked. A dock in my paycheck would have been defensible. Instead, I drove away with three plants. They went with me to my dorm room and were a reminder of Bob's kindness and my experience at Yellow Front.

The gift of the plants is now one of my greatest life lessons on grace. Grace is being given good things despite doing bad things. Grace comes from God to me every day. Despite having sinned in many ways -- more than I can count or am aware of -- He has given me salvation and His Holy Spirit and friends and work and blessing upon blessing.

The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. II Cor 13:14

Sad Day for Denver

It is odd to think that this could even happen. Today was a blunt reminder of the changing times as the Rocky Mountain News, a daily part of my growing up, has ceased publication. I loved the "tabloid" format, meaning that it opened more like a magazine than typical newspaper. I read it every day at the breakfast table (yes, it was mainly the sports and the comics). Even now, on my trips back to Denver I would look forward to sitting down with the RMN and catching up. I'll miss it.

Back in the swim

I took swimming lessons as a five-year-old at Morse Park in Lakewood, then again at a club where my dad knew the pool manager. My mom laughs that she would watch me attempt to do the back float and gradually sink beneath the surface of the water. I don't remember much about the lessons other than not looking forward to them and I can't remember why. Maybe it had something to do with the aforementioned back float.

In college I discovered swimming as exercise. The University of Colorado rec center had a south-facing wall of glass that overlooked the mountains. The 90 minutes I had between my first and second class were enough time to head to the pool and swim laps. As the morning sun streamed in and with the Flat Irons in full view, I gained the satisfaction of a mile swim.

It has only been a few years since I took it up again. Though it had been decades, somehow my old stroke was still with me, even though my 19-year-old body is long gone. The pool at the Y is not as scenic as the one in Boulder, but it offers me a great place to practice endurance and work on some new strokes. I am taking lessons at Courage Center -- an extraordinary place where people with disabilities learn to overcome.

Not long ago I realized that one memory from the childhood swimming experiences planted a seed that took root in me. It involves the manager of the pool, Paul Davis, who was a friend of our family. We sometimes arrived early enough to catch him swimming a mile before our lessons. His stroke was even, efficient, relaxed, peaceful. I've since concluded that his peaceful swimming was the result of the peace in this Christian man's heart.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you . . . Isaiah 43:2

Men and Women

It has been a cold winter in Minnesota. January hasn't seen 32 degrees yet, and most of the days have been below zero. Spring will be especially satisfying this year.


But I can still run at the Lake Street Y's big indoor track. It spans the Y's gymnasium and is 1/6 of a mile long. So while I run, I overlook the activities going on in the gym. There is a Somali soccer league, golf lessons, baseball tryouts, men's and women's basketball, an Asian football group, gay men's volleyball, and high school track. It is good to see the gym get so much use and to have something to look at as I round the oval.


Watching women's basketball, I've noticed that there is a lot of apologizing throughout the game. There are apologies for a personal foul, a missed shot, a turnover, etc.


I don't see the men apologizing very often on the court. When a foul is called on them, the most likely reaction is disbelief.


Of course these are generalizations. I bring it up here to simply make the point that I saw clearly the illustration of God's design at the Y. There is a certain goal-oriented, win-the-battle spirit that God has weaved into the masculine heart. And there is caring, sensitivity to the needs of others that He has breathed into the feminine.


Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that men aren't to be sensitive and women aren't to be goal-oriented. Consider Jesus. If there is ever a man who won the battle -- over sin and death and satan -- it is He. Yet He longed to gather Jerusalem as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, He wept over Lazarus, and He is touched by our weaknesses.


. . . male and female created He them. Genesis 1:27

How to be Humble

I always look forward to Thursday nights. Five guys meet here at the house for Bible study. The study is approaching its four-year anniversary. Rod and Mike have been constants. Several others have come and gone in that time, and right now, Adam and Paul from the house are part of the group. We take turns leading the study and it is a good time digging in the Word together.

Last night Mike K was leading us in a study of 1 Peter, chapter 5. Adam made a great observation that I've been thinking about all day from verses 6-7:

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Adam pointed out that, if you take away a descriptive phrase in verse six you are left with a key instruction on humility:

Humble yourselves . . . casting all your anxieties on him . .

I demonstrate humility by casting all of my cares on Christ. If I am carrying my own cares, and full of worry and concern throughout the day, it is an indication that the person I am trusting to make things happen is . . . ME! But if I regularly unload my burdens and trust Christ with my trouble, then I am giving evidence that Christ alone is all-sufficient and the answer to all my needs.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33

Stronger or Weaker?

Many things in our lives are complex. When I went to the NARTH conference, I was amazed at how complicated the issues are that we face. There could be a biological predisposition; there are family-of-origin issues from as far back as infancy that can result in a same-sex attraction. Traumatic experiences can affect us bodily until they are processed. Peer rejection, at a crucial point in our lives, can leave lasting damage. My friend Joe reminds me that these complexities are not unique to those with same-sex attraction, but are common in every life.

So I am always relieved when I discover something that is simple and true.

Yesterday evening, I was meeting with Dan and Mark to plan for the Outpost small group we are starting. We were talking about accountability and sexual failure. Men can fail in various ways, and as we discussed the topic, the simplicity of it hit home.

When a temptation hits us, we have such a simple decision: Do you want to keep your strength or do you want to grow weaker?

Yes, during a moment of sexual temptation, there may be a "climate of need" in our souls. There might be a fear or anxiety; loneliness or sadness. There can be a dismal feeling in our hearts that is difficult to name and even sense. Or maybe we are just sleepy.

The good news is that there is help from the Spirit of God during these times. We are not without help in our difficulties. "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10.

So the simple question is this: when you are tempted to some sexual escape, will you make it worse by following through? Or will you believe God. "I will strengthen you; I will help you."

Don't add more negative feelings to your soul with a sexual failure. God is with you. If you are a Christian, He is dwelling in your heart -- He couldn't be any nearer.

"Be strong in the Lord, and in the power of His might!" Ephesians 6:10