Taking the first exit (Part 1)

Many have made the observation that a sexual escape is the culmination of a sequence of events. Men are often set up for temptation initially by a disappointing event. A sense of discouragement and defeat follows. Surely, the devil is an opportunist (Luke 4:13).

Dr. Joseph Nicolosi has pointed out that, as a men progress down this path, they are "not feeling" and "not dealing". The emotions that the event has triggered are difficult to deal with, and to push the emotions out of their heads they start down a path of sexual escape. As Nicolosi has explained, they begin a dialogue with themselves . . . "I want to act out . . . I shouldn't act out . . . I want to . . . I shouldn't".

This is a familiar scenario to men who have found themselves on this path. There is a fight going on in their souls and it is a fight that they often loose.

True enough, it is ideal to identify and wage this mind battle as early in the process as possible. But renewing the mind is a long process. It takes time (yep, I'm talking months and years) to tune in to our patterns of thinking and feeling and escaping.

In the mean time, I am coaching the men who struggle with addictive sexual escapes to have an "off-ramp" strategy. The strategy involves having three men to call when they begin to sense that they are on the sexual escape super highway. Having an off-ramp strategy is not a substitute for their ongoing mind-renewing work that they are doing with their counselors and coaches. But the off-ramp strategy can spare the man from the debilitating effects of a sexual failure, big or small.



The off-ramp is so important, that I urge men to spend time carefully developing their strategy. In the following posts, I offer suggestions to men who are trying to stop addictive behaviors (Part 2) and to the men who will be supporting them (Part 3).

. . . flee youthful passions. 2 Timothy 2:22