In Part 1, I explained about the need for men with addictive behavior patterns, specifically escapes that are sexual in nature, to have an off-ramp strategy to head-off a destructive fall. This is not exactly a new idea. But I've seen few concrete suggestions for men to implement this strategy so that it is an effective tool in fighting addictive behaviors. In Part 3, I have suggestions for men on the receiving end of the telephone call.
Select 3 guys
Maybe more than three if you'd like. Choose carefully and look for men who will be understanding when you call. The type who will offer you encouragement and not a reprimand. "What is desired in a man is steadfast love," the Proverbs say. He needn't be one of your closest friends. But he must be generally reachable and he must be understanding when it comes to sexual sin. His values need to line up with yours; that is, that sexual escapes are unhealthy and wrong. He must be able to be trusted with the information that you will share with him.
Explain to the man your need
Here is a suggestion:
Hey, Bruce, I'd like to ask a favor of you . . . something that you'll hold in confidence between just you and me. Every now and then I have fallen into some sexual escapes -- nothing I much want to do or am proud of -- and am working with a coach to break the habit. I was wondering if you would be willing to be someone I could give a quick call to when I feel the cycle start to begin. We don't need to get into what's going on when I call -- I just need to briefly connect with a friend, let him know what's going on and get some encouragement and prayer support. It's not a lifetime commitment -- just for the next few months as I make some progress and break the pattern. Would you be willing to help me?
There is no need to get into the specifics of your temptations.
It might seem like a tough request to make. But likely the man will feel honored that you trust him with your struggle and admire your doing what you need to do to overcome it.
Follow through
Set up some trigger points for yourself. "I'll call Tony, Roger, and Stuart if I ________" (start driving downtown, pick up the phone to call so-and-so, start a dangerous internet search, etc). Once you hit the trigger point, make the calls. If there is no answer, leave a message with a request to talk later.
I suggest keeping the call brief but completely honest.
Don't be afraid to ask for what you need to exit the sexual escape highway. "Wayne, can I call you in 45 minutes to assure that I drive straight home?" or, "Can I send you an email about how I spent the rest of the day? I really need to process what happened to me at work today."
Remember
Remember that a sexual escape is worthless. Yes, your heart will race and you'll be distracted from your emotional trouble. But it will leave you with a mixture of shame, guilt, and desire that won't go easily or quickly.
Save yourself all of that. Develop an off-ramp strategy and use it.
. . . if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use. 2 Timothy 2:21
Select 3 guys
Maybe more than three if you'd like. Choose carefully and look for men who will be understanding when you call. The type who will offer you encouragement and not a reprimand. "What is desired in a man is steadfast love," the Proverbs say. He needn't be one of your closest friends. But he must be generally reachable and he must be understanding when it comes to sexual sin. His values need to line up with yours; that is, that sexual escapes are unhealthy and wrong. He must be able to be trusted with the information that you will share with him.
Explain to the man your need
Here is a suggestion:
Hey, Bruce, I'd like to ask a favor of you . . . something that you'll hold in confidence between just you and me. Every now and then I have fallen into some sexual escapes -- nothing I much want to do or am proud of -- and am working with a coach to break the habit. I was wondering if you would be willing to be someone I could give a quick call to when I feel the cycle start to begin. We don't need to get into what's going on when I call -- I just need to briefly connect with a friend, let him know what's going on and get some encouragement and prayer support. It's not a lifetime commitment -- just for the next few months as I make some progress and break the pattern. Would you be willing to help me?
There is no need to get into the specifics of your temptations.
It might seem like a tough request to make. But likely the man will feel honored that you trust him with your struggle and admire your doing what you need to do to overcome it.
Follow through
Set up some trigger points for yourself. "I'll call Tony, Roger, and Stuart if I ________" (start driving downtown, pick up the phone to call so-and-so, start a dangerous internet search, etc). Once you hit the trigger point, make the calls. If there is no answer, leave a message with a request to talk later.
I suggest keeping the call brief but completely honest.
Don't be afraid to ask for what you need to exit the sexual escape highway. "Wayne, can I call you in 45 minutes to assure that I drive straight home?" or, "Can I send you an email about how I spent the rest of the day? I really need to process what happened to me at work today."
Remember
Remember that a sexual escape is worthless. Yes, your heart will race and you'll be distracted from your emotional trouble. But it will leave you with a mixture of shame, guilt, and desire that won't go easily or quickly.
Save yourself all of that. Develop an off-ramp strategy and use it.
. . . if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use. 2 Timothy 2:21
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